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Rick Derringer
(Rick - In background) Ah, from UPS? I'm... (Woman) Hello? Hello there. (Woman) Hold on. (In background) Here. (Rick) I'm trying, I can't see anything to turn it on and off. Hello? Yes sir, this is Axelrod up here at United Parcel Service. (Rick) Hi Axelrod. Hi there. Uh, I'm an administrator out here. Looks like we need a check prepared tonight, and we've got three trucks on our way...to you, with some, ah, peat moss out here. So just need... (Rick) Peat Moss? Yes sir. (Rick) I think you must have the wrong number, or something. I don't think we...(woman yells something in background). We didn't order any moss. It's twenty-three hundred pounds. (Rick) Twenty-three hundred pounds? Nope. (Lady in background: "Sorry!"). We just need a check drafted. It's, uh, nineteen-hundred and twelve dollars. (Rick) Nineteen-hundred and twelve dollars? Yes. (Rick) We didn't order it. (Lady in background: "Peat moss...") Not us. I see... (Lady in background: "That's crazy, it says private number".) I see the digital signature right here. (Rick) From whom? You're the recipient. (Rick) From whom? It's from Indonesia. (Rick) Indonesia? Twenty-three hundred pounds? Ah, you must be joking. And who is the name on the, uh, digital signature? Sincerely not jokin' with you, I've been here fourteen years. Ahhhh, United Parcel Service. (Rick) Who is the number on the digital...I mean...who is the name on the digital signature? Ahh, my name's Axelrod. (Rick) No, no, the name on the... Yes it is. (Rick) ...signature you said. You can verify it. (Rick) No, I ask the name on the signature. Who is it to? It's all viewable online right now. (Rick) Uhmmm.. But... (Rick) I, I'm, you still haven't told me to, who it's to. (Lady in background: "So he's a liar...".). It's, It's from, um, Indonesia. It's to Richard, I can't make out the... (Rick) Richard? I'm not a Richard. It's not legible. (Rick) And what is the, uh, website that I am to go to to see it? UPS dot com. (Rick) Okay, hold on, I'll pull it up while you're on here. I just need a credit card number, sir. (Rick) I'm not gonna give you a credit card until I (laughs)... I haven't ordered anything from Indonesia. Well then a routing number. (Rick) (Laughs) I won't give ya a routing number either. Why not? (Rick) I'm not gonna pay twenty-three hundred dollars for something I did not order. I can verify ya that ya did place the order. That's not even, you know...in question. (Rick) ...If I did place the order, could you verify it? Okay, I'm going to United States, UPS dot com. And I look for what? You can look for my picture. (Rick) Look for your picture? Yeah. And enter the, enter your routing number right below it. (Rick) I don't know what you're talking about. Get, get me the funds, that we need. (Rick) I'm looking at UPS dot com, right now, and there are no photos of you. (Laughs). There most certainly are! There's two or three of them. (Woman in background talking) What did you say, sir? I'm in a kayak in one of them. So, all you need to do...is find that photo, that's step one. (Woman in background says something about "private number"). What is that young woman, uh, speaking about? This is Axelrod, at UPS dot com. (Woman) No, it's not Axelrod at UPS dot com. You're trying to fraud us. What is you're phone number so I can call you right back? I'm trying to what now? (Woman) What is your phone number? Ah one eight... (Woman) And I'll, my husband will call you right back. Not a problem. (Woman) What is it? Not a problem whatsoever, young lady. (Woman) Okay, what is it? You don't know your number? Do you want the number? (Woman) Yeah! Yeah, that's not an issue at all. (Woman) Go ahead. I'm ready anytime you are. (Woman) I gotta pen. Let's do it. (Woman) Go ahead. One eight-hundred Pick UPS. (Woman) Pick UPS? Take your pick, I need a routing number, a credit card number, a paypal payment, any of the above, and we'll just straighten this out. (Woman) You, you're just really hilarious. Where did you get our number? Ahhhhh, from the sod center, that you placed the order from. (Woman) We don't...hav...We don't order sod. Wha, where does the truck go? Could you just tell us that much? (Woman) No. To the back? To the front? To the side? (Woman) Why should I tell you where the truck goes, when I don't know where it would go. Where we would drop that off. To the side? To the front? To the back? (Woman) To the side, to the front, to the back. You are just too much. Just get off of it, and go bother somebody else, please. Our ringers are already off, sorry 'private number'. (Hang up sound) - End of track Category:Celebrities